Searching for the Why
When I was out running this morning, I found myself thinking (again) about why I want to run a certain time for a half marathon and for a marathon. Why does it matter to me so much? I started thinking back to when I could run a sub-2 hour half marathon and why it didn’t matter to me then. I thought about how now at age 48 after multiple injuries and failed in vitro that seriously messed with my body, it is difficult for me now.
When I was younger, and most of my life, sports came fairly easy for me. I was always just naturally good at most things. I think I didn’t appreciate that I could do it and didn’t even care because I didn’t really have to try. I am not saying I didn’t work out hard before because I did but it was more about having fun and doing things with my friends rather than trying so hard to get better. I didn’t even set running goals, I just got out there and did it for the fun and competition.
Other sports were frequently easier for me than some. When I first decided I wanted to try gymnastics it was because I got a free coupon to come to the gym and take a free class. I begged my mom to take me since it was free. As I was going through the class a coach (who was also the owner of the gym) came over to talk to me. He asked me how long I had been doing gymnastics. I told him this was my first time but I would try things at home in the living room and the yard. He watched a couple more minutes and then asked me if I would like to be on the team for his gym. I couldn’t believe it. He said I was good enough to be on the team without a tryout. I begged my mom and she said yes and that started my serious love and addiction to gymnastics. This just goes to show my point, most sports came naturally to me and I didn’t have to try as hard as others. Of course, once I was on the team I gave it everything I had.
Now, after the injuries, etc., I find myself having to really try just to be decent at running. This has been new territory for me for several years now. I let myself off easy by just having fun running and run/walking races with my husband. That served me well because now he runs races with me! What it didn’t do is make me work really hard. Now that it is harder for me I find myself wanting to know what I can really do. How much can I push myself? Have I ever really pushed myself to my limits? I don’t think so.
So even though I believe in myself, I know I am really going to have to push myself harder than I have before. I will have to see how tough I really am. I will have to prove to myself that not only can I push my limits but I can train myself. If I can’t train myself and push myself how can I expect others to really push themselves? I’m always saying I like to help others see their potential and realize they can do it but I guess I haven’t been realizing my own potential. So, I think that might be my why!! It is great how running can bring answers to you when you aren’t even trying!! This is one thing I really love about being on a run by myself, it gives me answers as I just run along.
I hope you are having a great weekend so far!